Newspaper headlines in the year 2035
- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
- White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.
- Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops &livestock.
- Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.
- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)
- Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
- Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
- 35 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
- Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
- Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
- Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
- Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
- Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.
