Banks

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan Officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a 5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow 5,000?"

The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, ........... a smart blonde joke.

Puzzles

A blonde calls her boyfriend and pleads, "Please come over and help me I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, but I can't figure out how to get it started.:

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She let's him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

"Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

or...

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

or finally...

Three Blondes sitting at a bar. The were all chanting over and over "51 days...yes....51 days"...They were all so happy with each other. The bartender was starting to become a bit curios when this occurred for quite a period of time.

He asked "You have been sitting here for 3 hours and all you say is 51 days...tell me why would three young ladies be sitting at a bar chanting 51 days ?"

"Well" replied on the girls"We today we completed a jigsaw puzzle that took us 51 days"

"So!" replied the bartender.

Well...on the box it says 3 - 5 years !" said the blonds.

8 Degrees of Blonde

ONE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here! " and hung up. The husband inquired, "Who was that? " to which the wife replied, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear. ' "

TWO

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar. " The second blonde says, "Here, let me see! " So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me! "

THREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it. " The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next! "

FOUR

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them. " A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin? " The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W. "

FIVE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine? "

SIX

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God! " the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am? " "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen? " the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing! " the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was . . . " "Uh, ma'am, " the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth. "

SEVEN

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman! "

EIGHT

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."