Hormone Hostage | The Rules of Combat! | USAF "Squawks" | Blond Jokes | Men and Women | Holiday Eating Tips | SQUARE | Engineers! | Short Jokes | Not Easy Being Republican | Is this you? | Long Letters to Bush | Women on Men | Men on Women | Shortest Short Story | Web Design Time Breakdown | Bill Gates to HS Seniors | WalMart | An Important Comparison | Pharmacology 101 | Great Bumper Stickers | Only in America, etc. | Only in Britain | How to clean your toilet | How you know you've had a bad day | Why? Why? Why | Headlines from 2035 | George Carlin on 9-11 | Capitalism
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate!
...And my favorite one...
Pass this onto all of your women friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks...but chocolate sings.
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired trips to where? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Ralph: "I'm going to go get her."