Hormone Hostage | The Rules of Combat! | USAF "Squawks" | Blond Jokes | Men and Women | Holiday Eating Tips | SQUARE | Engineers! | Short Jokes | Not Easy Being Republican | Is this you? | Long Letters to Bush | Women on Men | Men on Women | Shortest Short Story | Web Design Time Breakdown | Bill Gates to HS Seniors | WalMart | An Important Comparison | Pharmacology 101 | Great Bumper Stickers | Only in America, etc. | Only in Britain | How to clean your toilet | How you know you've had a bad day | Why? Why? Why | Headlines from 2035 | George Carlin on 9-11 | Capitalism
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.
Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto land very rough."
Solution: "Auto land not installed on this aircraft."
Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."
Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."
Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search.